Ever have one of those days where your mind is just so onto something, bvut you can't explain it? happens all the time with me. Thinking whats bothering me, why am I so happy? Wow, I hate questions of time soo much! The confuse me, and stress me out. There is no answer, there is no chance of becoming a better person with the answers either. maybe I should let it go, and become a better person in my heart without the keys to thinking and being happy. Keys of time. Time isn't locked, its just not open to the public.

       "In a generation of quick moving technology and fast pased transportation. People are going nowhere fast." I love that quote. It never seems to amaze me less everytime I read it or hear it. So if I break them up(technology and transportation) I still wonder why this is completely true.
       Technology, so we all have an easier lifestyle from 50 years ago? Should this be correct. Yes! it is. We all have a much easier lifestyle. People are not educated in the same forms, infact they have more of a self education aspect now more than ever. How everything has grown to become itself, people show that inventors, and manufacturers definately try to make tools for life that are easier and with a touch of enjoyment added to the factor. This all evens up the work area with play. People Like to goto work. Not all of them think of it as there ideal fun. But 50 years ago work was stressful, harder, and nothing comparable to how easy it is today. Infact the stress that lies today is our human nature problem of acceptance , and thedepression that leads from it. Could we have become the most out of shape and obesse society today if it wasn't because how much easier the work has become? The only thing harder now a days is we need more people thinking up, and creating these easier things. The strain this puts on the brain is much more than of before. But the day of success that the inventor creates. Becomes from therefore much easier in more than 80% of the cases.
       Fast Pased speed. By far we can handle it! Most people that drive in there own car are comfortable with speeds of 60 mph thinking its slow. Most cars are very easy to control now. We should move faster. The education world moves slower now for one reason only. I will say it again, we are self educated to more of an extreme. People see people saying wrong things all the time. Why can't we beleive anymore? To many mistakes to be made. maybe our self education is not all reading anymore, interactive, broad lectures. It's not all text books. Education is far greater on Television, and on the internet than in a classroom. School, and self need the same purpose to have anything effect a mind, that is dedication. Much faster to learn things now. A book which would be read before in 2 weeks, would be shown as a movie in 2 hours. A lot of people would disagree with this as a better thing. But in most ways, it is the supreme, how we can jam these stories in our head, give more actors jobs, and the writers with originality also have more power. more writers, more curious people, more people wring movies, and books. How is it that it is worse today?
        We should not be competeing with earlier generations. We should enjoy our own because of its seniority.

      Enchantment. heavenly music. Polite gestures. What do all these mean to us? Maybe we all consider some things to be good, and others to be ok , and then we consider the rest bad. What if we considered all of it good? I have noticed this change in our great democracy. There is no standard of right and wrong. Its very sad. Maybe if we respected our lives, and earned the chance of deciding on what is wrong, we all would be less violent. A single word in our society can be considered offensive. Profanity... words , just a group of sounds, letters... They are bad? Misunderstood in todays society. The choice hasn't been made. It has been accepted. Remember that. You have to earn your respect for what is right, you have to decide whats wrong, and you can't accept something that is bad. If you accept bad things. You will become someone with a lower heart. Someone who doesn't care.

    Have you ever wondered how often human insticts are wrong? Ok , I see a pattern here. Everything that happens that is good happens to end up hurting me somehow, so not good nessisarily. I know MANY people that would say I'm wrong here. But maybe there "human instict" is better than mine. When a good thing is there, I know it, I know it soo bad. But it doesn't ever cut it for me. I don't get it.
     ight now I'm faced with a great problem of human instincts. The choice to be inlove. Of course Being "IN LOVE" is a choice. Nobody just feels it. Or am I wrong? Love is not a choice, that is the real deal. But what if you didn't choose to be inlove. How did that happen, how did you determine that? Many people mistake "Greater Friendship" with being inlove. I think that when your inlove. You have to want to be inlove. I think right now , someplace in my heart I want it, even though I'm very very protective of it. Today is the day that I'm happy with who I found. I will succeed something great with this person. Nobody greater, I give every woman the chance to be greater, and it's not happening. I think My Choice is a good choice.
     Also Note: Pepsi Is alive. We found her outside in the cold wanting to come back with her tail solid and healing.

     Is it to good to be true? Isn't it allways? I figgued it was when My day just seemed to be sad sad sad. I missed school, which wasnt so bad. I got to sleep. But it was my night that I couldn't sleep. Memories that never bothered me before, hit me... unexpectedly. Like a Cry from my soul. Something is missing from my life. Something very important.Money...Lust...Necesity? I have none of those, never did, why do I need them now... No No... it must be something else. Love? Never had love before, frankly don't know what it is. The so called "Love" I have ever experienced hurt me. The friendships I have had are just meere aquaintances. Is this a fallout of growing up? Why is it that Everytime I climb a mountain, I find out later it was only a hill. Still... What is missing? It hits me! I know now what is missing.
     I have had many things just come to me when I needed them, not as much as I wish I have had, but I have some.I have had the "I Love You Hug" , the "Welcome" and the "Hello" hugs, but theres one that I have allways been missing. The "I care" hug. I have no clue how it feels to know that someone cares about you and don't need to ask to know. Everyday ...sad sad sad. sometimes happy, but the depression hits me hard. What is it? I swear I have nobody to love. Sure I have my internet friends, but in real life...? I don't get it. I study people, as they talk, what made them say that, what made them think to say that. I have answers for them all. I seen it all, experienced a lot. Yet,! I have no idea what I'm doing wrong. Is it a sad thing that my closest friends are ones that I only know on the internet? Don't get me wrong, the people I know in person really trust me, and have good times with me.... hmmm maybe I havent given myself a chance yet? Back to the old drawing board... sad sad sad.
    Also Note. Today Pepsi Died. Her Tail Cracked in half and she ran away.

     I had a good day.Infact It was a great day. I took all my thoughts gathered them up. I created my perfect mood.I made good impressions on people I wanted to be friends with. I made people that were sad, happy. I also made myself happy. I realised which philosophy it was that did it for me.
     I tried living without memories. Everything that bothered me went away. I didnt care what was going to happen, I didnt care about what did happen.Tomarow I have school, and I know it's going to be completely diffrent. Hopefully It will work for me. If not , I will still not know a sure meaning of life.

     I'm a curious person. It kills me when theres a detail that completes a puzzle missing. On and on I see people who don't care, and they assume or never have the right answer. I wonder how they do this. I figgure one of two things, either they just don't care or they don't pay attention to the matter. My Quest to answer this question begins.
     The First snow has fallen overnight. Such virginity, a white field, untouched , and unharmed. It melted before noon, though looking to see such a wonderful sight. Just melted my heart. Its not often you can look at snow and enjoy it. later on in the winter snow will become granted and we all that experience it will pass up the soul of the season. being able to put on warm clothes, 5 layers, be with someone you love to keep warm. To agknowledge the indoors and how the summer is missed. I can never imagine a Christmas season w/o cold ...snow, snowmen, snowballs, snow angels, warm jackets, warm jackets that can fit 2 people warm inside... Enjoy it. The pessimism has spoiled us all. looking at the bad parts of winted is well compared to life. How it is a responsibility to bring apon winter, much more work compared to those days of the spring or summer. People are lazy indeed. Is this why when you have freetime, you chose to keep it as free as you can withouth responsibility? Is this why we need to experience a winter..?.. where we all see that we can handle more, and put more apon our shoulders? Or is it an excuse to stay indoors? Curiosity Kills me here.